What this blog isn't

It's not a Leeds-based exploration of the joys and challenges of shaping the mortar between house-bricks so that the rain runs off without undue damage.
Nor is it about looking at, achieving, or maintaining erections of the male variety. That's what the rest of the internet is for.
It's also not about drawing peoples' attention to the beauty of the Aurora Borealis by indicating it with an extended forefinger
It probably isn't SFW[Safe For Work] either (especially if you work in a church) thanks to the liberal sprinkling of profanities, heresies and blasphemies.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Charged at last!

The rechargeable batteries for my wireless mouse are finally recharged after 6 hours. 6 hours of me having to use a graphics tablet and stylus as a mouse. Which is almost as much of a pain in the cheb as using a mouse for drawing. Still, it's my own fault - the box of charged batteries was getting low and the box of exhausted ones was nearly full so I should have thought ahead.

Still, at least I don't have to hook it up to a waterwheel to charge it, like I would have had to 400 years ago - shortly before a midnight pitchfork-and-firebrand-wielding visit from the villagers, demanding to know if Satan himself is the blue hedgehog inside 'the box that talks', and asking how well cooked I'd like to be at the stake.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

The terrifying Osama Bin Laden/Britney Spears link

Is it just me, or is there a disturbing parallel between Osama's comeback video and Britney's rebound on to the scene? They both look refreshed and determined, and yet they have both made poor choices for their reappearance on the world's stage. Perhaps Osama has been in rehab too - a consequence of his earlier smash successes - after being seen stumbling out of glitzy caves at 3 in the morning, coquettishly admitting to wearing no underwear during public appearances and shaving off his trademark ZZ Top beard in a desperate cry for help.

Whisked off to a top rehab cave on the Uzbek border by concerned aides, it is already rumoured that OBL is suing his parents for custody of Saudi Arabia, considering firing his manager and attempting to recover the rights for his back catalogue. Whispers circulating in the murdertainment industry that he was planniung to cover the IRA's greatest hit 'Manchester' have been downplayed by his management team.

An insider source reported: "...the talk of him using 'Just for Men' on his beard is baseless falsehood...his new dietician, Cyndi, has worked wonders using just wheatgrass shakes and organic goat's milk baths." The unnamed source also quashed rumours that OBL was trying to buy Idi Amin's skeleton, but confirmed that he had purchased Papa Doc Duvalier's loofah on Ebay, and it looked lovely above Pol Pot's fabled fondue set in the terrorist leader's swish new cave.

Oddly, one anagram of Osama Bin Laden is 'a blonde's mania' - so we're back to Britney again.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

In the wrong job...

I want to work in the film industry. Not because it’s glamorous or highly paid, but because you can be crap at your job, but as long as you have worked even once you still get to see your name roll past at the end of the film you worked on. Every time you watch it. For at least your lifetime.

Even if you were a rubbish best boy or gaffer, you still get paid and you get a footnote in history.

And if you die at work, whoa! You get a dedication at the end of the film.

If you or I die at work, do we get a forklift named after us –?

“Be careful with that! That’s the Clive Marshall Memorial Laptop! Oh, you didn’t know Clive, did you? His work was exemplary. ‘Course he was killed on that last job we did. A server fell on him. No, it didn’t crush him. He starved to death waiting for the IT engineer to turn up.”