What this blog isn't

It's not a Leeds-based exploration of the joys and challenges of shaping the mortar between house-bricks so that the rain runs off without undue damage.
Nor is it about looking at, achieving, or maintaining erections of the male variety. That's what the rest of the internet is for.
It's also not about drawing peoples' attention to the beauty of the Aurora Borealis by indicating it with an extended forefinger
It probably isn't SFW[Safe For Work] either (especially if you work in a church) thanks to the liberal sprinkling of profanities, heresies and blasphemies.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Reflections on a particularly unstable and one-sided relationship

Another irreparable breakdown

Oh God, look at you.

You’re a mess

I knew this was coming for some time

but why did it have to be now?

Not now of all times.

You get like this all the time now.

I hate it when you just sit there.

Not saying anything.

Not doing anything.

I can’t communicate with you any more.


I don’t mistreat you do I?

I constantly give you things.

Expensive things

And you look better now than you ever did.

I know you’re always busy.

I know that you need your own space,

and you seem to have the right

to change at any time.


You’re just so bloody unreliable.

Always forgetting things.

Important things.

And now you’ve gone and done this again.

Well, I’ve tried as hard as I can to save this,

but it isn’t going to work, is it?

Goodbye, you bitch.


Click here to restart your computer, eh?


Where’s that Windows CD?



[See what I has done there? I is all highbrow now. All just because I couldn't save a document, and the computer locked up]

Well it beats a fucking picture doesn't it? Google thinks my sister site is spam. Boo. Little do they know she's as tough as nails, and a nasty drunk to boot.

[Here's a quandary for all you Humor-blogs.com visitors...if you vote me down I shall only become stronger. If you vote me up against my wishes, I only become strangely aroused and wriggle in my seat a bit in a mildly disgusting manner. What to do? What to do?]

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Farming With Dynamite - found stuff, not a band

Hello. This is a picture of the first page of Du Pont Chemicals 1910 pamphlet 'Farming with dynamite'. I saw it at Fourmilab a while back and greedily, selfishly chuckled to myself - hugging the concept to my chest like some Gollum of the Internet. Now I want you to see the whole thing as well as the rest of John Walker, founder of Autodesk, Inc. and co-author of AutoCAD's unassuming but superb site. I use Home Planet to find stars and satellites and suchlike. Also to watch the tiny moon move over the manse. I had all the windows bricked up you see, in readiness for a new Window Tax. Fourmilab has articles on hacker diets, books, anagrams. And software coming out the wazoo. Whatever one of those is.

Farming with dynamite cover

Fourmilab has nothing whatsoever to do with Fermilab. Don't go looking for high energy physics there.

This is the kind of thing that Pointing North's sister site (already set up so you can't pinch it, you fiends) will be featuring. I know that after my outraged rants on web-trawlers just linking to stuff they found makes my doing it now quite cheeky to say the least. It makes me the cunt that I am to say the most. This will also make me some kind of bitch - or beatch - or biotch - or beer hatch - or something. The site is called The Supermodel Overlord Hierarchy, and will contain stuff about free stuff that is clogging up my hard drive and my bookmarks and my mind. It is unlikely to be funny - but it may be useful/helpful/illuminating. I signed an NDA with the real SOH, but I'm always one to push my fucking luck whenever I can.

Nothing to see here. Move along. Move along.

There's no point me adding the traditional and necessary link to Humor-blogs.com here, but I am a creature of habit. This will no doubt help the authorities find me if I ever get off my arse and start serial-killing]

Friday, October 3, 2008

Somalia - It's Africa's pirate hook

This is the kind of thing that happens when I remember that I have a graphics tablet in the desk drawer...and a GCE 'O' level (grade B) in Art...and time on my hands...and I experiment with painting a dry wipe marker moustache onto my top lip. You deserved this for voting me up at Humor-blogs, you sods. It wasn't reverse psychology, damn it!


Original image/map by the Central Intelligence Agency of the US, apparently. You learn something new every day.

original image in likkle for comparison - and so you can see just how useless at this I really am. This took four fucking hours. The dry-wipe giggles didn't help of course.


I know. I know. Stop trying to fucking do art. Stick to words magnetite. You can barely manage with those fuckers anyway. This whole wearing two hats thing just isn't going to work. You are undoubtedly a cock of the highest order.

(A sample of my internal voice there, folks. This is why I silence him with the gin...and now with the dry wipe marker 'tashes)

I can heartily recommend the Sanford EXPO  Bold Color Dry Erase marker. (Certified AP non-toxic - conforms to ASTM D4236)

[update: It's actually quite difficult to remove from skin. I understand that this is because skin has different properties to the average whiteboard. They should probably mention that on the barrel of the pen itself. My recommendation still stands though]

[If I'd wanted to be highly ranked at Humor-blogs.com, I'd have pretended to be a woman. I don't know whether to thank you all or strangle you all. Both I think. First the stranglings, then the thankings]