What this blog isn't

It's not a Leeds-based exploration of the joys and challenges of shaping the mortar between house-bricks so that the rain runs off without undue damage.
Nor is it about looking at, achieving, or maintaining erections of the male variety. That's what the rest of the internet is for.
It's also not about drawing peoples' attention to the beauty of the Aurora Borealis by indicating it with an extended forefinger
It probably isn't SFW[Safe For Work] either (especially if you work in a church) thanks to the liberal sprinkling of profanities, heresies and blasphemies.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Reflections on a particularly unstable and one-sided relationship

Another irreparable breakdown

Oh God, look at you.

You’re a mess

I knew this was coming for some time

but why did it have to be now?

Not now of all times.

You get like this all the time now.

I hate it when you just sit there.

Not saying anything.

Not doing anything.

I can’t communicate with you any more.


I don’t mistreat you do I?

I constantly give you things.

Expensive things

And you look better now than you ever did.

I know you’re always busy.

I know that you need your own space,

and you seem to have the right

to change at any time.


You’re just so bloody unreliable.

Always forgetting things.

Important things.

And now you’ve gone and done this again.

Well, I’ve tried as hard as I can to save this,

but it isn’t going to work, is it?

Goodbye, you bitch.


Click here to restart your computer, eh?


Where’s that Windows CD?



[See what I has done there? I is all highbrow now. All just because I couldn't save a document, and the computer locked up]

Well it beats a fucking picture doesn't it? Google thinks my sister site is spam. Boo. Little do they know she's as tough as nails, and a nasty drunk to boot.

[Here's a quandary for all you Humor-blogs.com visitors...if you vote me down I shall only become stronger. If you vote me up against my wishes, I only become strangely aroused and wriggle in my seat a bit in a mildly disgusting manner. What to do? What to do?]


Anonymous said...

I always write these things balanced
on the knife edge of have I read the spam bits right, or will my bon mots vanish into the void.
As per usual.
But I really, really like your reflections on a particularly unstable and one sided relationships.
Frankly, you should nominate yourself for a Nobel Prize in Economics because it explains the crash of the financial markets perfectly.
So I, Chenier, will try to post this as anonymous, since that's all it lets me do, but please accept my praise for a wonderful piece. And good night...

magnetite said...

Thank you, anonymous Chenier.

The economics prize is far beyond my abilities and small stature. I couldn't grasp it in my gnarled hands anyway - even if I, tippy-toed and making straining noises, could reach up for it. Likewise the prize for Litterychewer.

Can I nominate myself for the disgracefully overlooked Nobel Prize for Dynamiting Things instead? Or Peace. Whichever. I'm easy.

Praise accepted gratefully though. Sweet dreams...

(sideways smiley face made from punctuations marks...and dynamite...and peace)

Pablo Von Stoat said...

I'm getting a little concerned about your mental stability, Mag.

If you're forming deeply emotional sentiments towards your PC it might be time to venture forth from your tower again to combat the solitude.

...and I'm fairly sure that the chances of you being kidnapped twice by Oompa Loompa's and Supermodels are pretty remote.

On second thoughts, if you do go out it might be worth investing in some mace or something.

Pablo Von Stoat said...

...actually, rather than some mace, just take a mace.

Mot Fob said...

Write something new, dammit.

Zacq Yonf said...

: (

And there's more where that came from!

Doc T. Zen said...

Hope you are well.

Pablo Von Stoat said...

Ditto what the Doc said, mate.

Satan himself has been crimping one off in my water boiling device. Give me something to guffaw loudly at.

Please? Don't make me beg, it's not very dignified.

Anonymous said...

OK, Pablo; we are not begging. We are merely pointing out that Magnetite needs to get in touch with his inner Unix and blog a bit.
The world is full of people blogging boringly about nailin' Palin, and even I occasionally venture out from commenting on the crashing ruins of the financial markets in search of something a tad more amusing. Actually, the crashing ruins of the financial markets are amusing, but I have a perverted sense of humour, and thus need to broaden my scope.

Gine Guts said...

Okay, now you're just scaring me, but it is Halloween, so okay.

Pablo Von Stoat said...

Hope everything is going fine at the tower, Mag.

Take it easy, buddy.

Pablo Von Stoat said...

Hey Mag,

I can't believe you couldn't summon up some form of amusing article about the US'08 result.

I'm looking forward to reading something new soon!